SCREW TELUS | Collective Network Node

The Corporate Gaslight Protocol

Telus specializes in a unique form of digital psychology. They spend millions on "Nature" imagery—frogs, flowers, and cute animals—to distract you from the fact that your internet speed is currently slower than a 1996 dial-up connection. This is Greenwashing 2.0: if the branding looks like a park, maybe you won't notice the landfill of hidden fees on page 4 of your invoice.

The "Self-Healing" Network: It heals itself by making you wait 4 days for a tech who never shows up.
SmartHome Security: A system that notifies you of an intruder 20 minutes after they've left with your TV.
Optik TV: Paying $100 for 400 channels of infomercials and pixelated local news.

I asked Telus to unlock my device after my contract ended. They said 15 days. The law says 5 business days. They don't know the law.

— Legal Illiteracy

I moved to a new address 400 metres away. Telus cancelled my service, billed an early termination fee, and offered me a new contract.

— 400-Metre Penalty

The Telus satellite dish was installed pointing at the neighbour's fence. The installer said 'signal seems fine.' It was not fine.

— Compass-Free Installation

I called Telus on December 26th. Hold time: 4 hours. The rep said 'higher than normal call volumes.' For 4 years straight.

— Permanent Abnormal

I cancelled during the allowed window and was charged a termination fee anyway. The refund arrived 4 months later with no interest.

— 4-Month Loan to Telus

They offered me a free tablet if I signed a 2-year term. The tablet was too slow to load the Telus website to pay my bill.

— Prince George Node

My Telus modem is the same model from 2017. The 'coming soon' firmware update came 4 years later and bricked 3 units on my street.

— Firmware Archaeology

Telus' 'Thanks' rewards app gave me a free coffee. My bill went up $10 the same month. Net cost of the rewards program: $9.50.

— Thanks for Nothing Math

Northern BC: The Forgotten Sector

If you live north of Hope, you aren't a customer—you're a donor. Telus harvests the profits from our limited choices to fund high-speed vanity projects in Vancouver. While they brag about 5G speeds in the city, we’re out here checking our antennas to see if a hawk moved the alignment of our fixed-wireless terminal again.